Have you ever woken up suddenly, in an unusual place and think to yourself, man what a crazy dream I had....but then you realize, it was no dream; everything that you thought you dreamed for a few seconds in fact actually happened.  The day after finding out that Deacon had Down Syndrome I woke up the next morning and I honestly thought that the whole previous day's events were a dream.  I say I woke up that morning, but I don't really remember sleeping that night.  It felt like more of a drunken haze.  But as my mind cleared, Julie and I were faced with the reality that our lives were going to change in a big way.  I guess your life will change with any child being born, but our lives were going to change in a way that was unexpected.

Word slowly traveled to some of our immediate family.  It seemed like we had less visitors at the hospital by comparison to our other kids, but then again, this was our fourth child.  I suppose many people thought, "Well the Deuser's had another kid".  :)  This was not upsetting to me at all, in fact, at this point I was glad that we saw less people.  It avoided the awkward conversation of telling someone that your child has Down Syndrome.  When someone did come to visit or anytime someone came in the room I felt like they were staring.  I felt like they were trying to figure out, what is wrong with this baby.  It was a horrible feeling to have.  The actual truth was probably that no one would have had any idea that Deacon had Down Syndrome if Julie and I had not told them.  But......that is not how I felt.

Brylee holding Deacon at the hospital

Julie and I went through the day researching and gathering information on the internet as fast as possible.  I compare it to getting a drink of water from a fire hydrant.  There is a lot of good information available on the internet, as well as some bad information.  One of the first worries that surfaced was that many children with Down Syndrome are born with "other" complications, such as heart defects.  Nearly 50% have some sort of heart defect which can be life threatening.  Fortunately up to this point Deacon seemed health in every way.  When our pediatrician showed up to check on Deacon I had numerous questions.  He was able to answer almost all of them and he was very positive.  Children with Down Syndrome have a wide range of abilities.  There was a time when having Down Syndrome was a virtual death sentence.  Most people with Down Syndrome would live in an institute (mental hospital), but in today's world there are many people with Down Syndrome that graduate high school, attend college, become gainfully employed, and live completely independent lives.  This information was very uplifting for me.  When I first found out about Deacon it almost felt like a life sentence, but that was only because of my ignorance in understanding the condition.

Remember that nurse that pissed me off when she lied to my face about Deacon??  Well, it turns out that she was pretty upset about the whole incident too.  Now, I made it very clear to our pediatrician, Julie's OBGYN, and some of the other nurses how upset I was about the incident; BUT she did come by our room in tears and apologize to Julie.  She didn't apologize to me because I had left the room to get Julie lunch, but she did apologize.  I think she waited for me to leave the room to come apologize.  :)  I don't blame her, it was probably better that I not talk to her at that particular time.  I hold no grudges against her at all.  She was put in a unique and very delicate situation where she made a decision that I did not agree with.  Forgive and Forget.  Let's move on.

Me, Garrett and Brylee with Deacon.  You might ask where Cayson is....at this point he still had not accepted that there was a new baby in the Deuser house.  :)  I will post more on that later.  

As the day passed on, I still had the awkward feeling any time I talked to a friend who congratulated us, or read a post on Facebook, or whenever someone came to visit.  It is not easy telling people that your son had Down Syndrome.  I have many friends, but on that day there were two very good friends that I texted unannounced and told them about Deacon.  I don't even get to see either one of these guys that often.  One of them lives a couple of hours away, and the other one lives nearly across the country.  With everything that had happened I just wanted to talk to someone about it.  It didn't need to be in person or even on the phone.  I had a couple of exchanges on text messages and it brought me to an "Ah Hah" moment.  One of the guys I exchanged texts with immediately told me "Well Congratulations!  I am not going to say I'm sorry because I believe its God's plan and I know he will bring you tremendous joy."  He went on to say that his wife loves all of the Down Syndrome kids that she works with (She works in the NICU).  This was a decisive moment for me.  That weird feeling I had anytime Julie and I told someone about Deacon came from not wanting people to feel sorry for us.  I don't ever want anyone to feel sorry for me, or for Deacon.  That awkward feeling had nothing to do with Deacon and Down Syndrome, but everything to do with the pity I thought we might get.  It is just an uncomfortable feeling for me and one I try to avoid.  At this point Julie and I talked and we decided to put a post on Facebook and share the news with our "Social World".  The decision was sort of a pressure release, we didn't want to feel awkward talking about Deacon.  In fact we wanted to celebrate the birth of our fourth child.  It was the first time in 24 hours that I felt any real hope instead of worry or fear.

I want to say that I appreciate all of my friends tremendously.  It rarely gets said, but Thank You All!

Here is what we posted:

On October 11th 2013 God blessed Julie and I with another angel child. Deacon Robert Deuser was born seemingly healthy at 10:21am, 7lbs 6oz, 21 inches long. Our world was changed for the better! Approximately 12 hours later upon further assessment we were told Deacon has Down Syndrome. I believe God has a plan for everyone and Deacon is part of our plan. This post is my feeble attempt to avoid some of the social awkwardness that is likely to occur. Julie and I are blessed in many ways, and this is another one. Deacon is our son, and he is perfect. One point I want to make is that I don't want anyone else "to be sorry for us"; because we are not sorry. We are thankful. Deacon is and will be like the rest or our children, Brylee, Garrett, and Cayson. There may be small challenges ahead, but they are only small bumps in the broken road we call life. — with Julie Gullette Deuser.

The response we received from our friends and family was enormous.  There was an outpouring of support from many people, some people that we don't even know that well.  Deacon had already made an enormously positive impact on our life that no one could have ever predicted and he was less than two days old.  Just think how much he will bring us getting to spend the rest of our lives with him.  :)

Here is a picture of Cayson avoiding Deacon by eating Mommy's edible arrangement.  :)